We should come with a warning in public

Imagine a world where people had the ability to post their identities on their clothing much like the ratings guide on TV shows.  Mine would usually read MA – S/L/N*, which for those who have lives outside of TV means – Mature Audiences Only, contains Sexual situations, Language, and Nudity*.  It would serve as a warning to others that I’m going to say stuff, and if you don’t want to hear it you had best put yourself more than 10 feet away from me.
(*subject to drunkenness and proximity to a warm lake in the summer)

I can see other items that would be good to know as well, such as political affiliations or relationship status; pretty much any of the twenty some odd common points that any individual is bound to have.  But for the sake of this entry let’s just boil it down to a TV guide situation that indicates the things that are likely to occur, in action or speech, on a given evening.

Imagine the freedom that would come from such information.  One look at me and the waiter would seat me in their MA section of the restaurant. At the theater the MAs could sit near other MAs and create a buffer of “adultness” that children should avoid.  MA avoidance would be added to the list of things parents teach their kids.  “Tommy, you are only allowed to be around PG-13s for now, if I find you with a MA dash anything you will be grounded, is that clear?”

No longer would I be subject to a look of disapproving scorn from a mother (PG) when, as invariably happens, my friends and I let loose with a tirade of adult only content followed by outrageous laughter and a “I can beat that!” mentality.

Her viewpoint:  We are in a public place and there are children here!! How incredibly rude and inappropriate for her to be discussing sexual position that are great for women. What a slut!

My viewpoint: We are in a brewery which happens to allow minors, you made a choice to bring your child here, so don’t eyeball me…you thought that was bad,  just wait till you hear what I say next.

There have been many such incidents in my life, the most atrocious usually involving restaurants where you are not able to easily relocate or remove yourself from proximity to one another.  And yes, I agree that when in public we should all abide by the Social Contract that says look around at your audience and adjust your speech accordingly.  I can clean it up when need be and have a whole slate of substitute swearing (oh sugar!) for when I’m in the presence of children.  It’s not as though I’m an asshole who is looking to be rude to children.  However, I do not agree that the presence of a child automatically dictates that I have to downgrade my MA – S/L/N to your PG.  Children seem to be EVERYWHERE these days, they are wandering the halls at work, in bars (until 10pm), and in R-rated movies!  I was once told to “watch what you’re saying, my kids are right here” by a parent who had decided it was appropriate for his three children (ranging from probably 6 to 12) to see The Hangover, THE HANGOVER!  For the sake of his children my response was PG, informing this sanctimonious parent that he was about to see a lot worse than what I had just said, and if he was already offended he might want to see a different movie that the kids would enjoy more, turned around, and resumed my conversation, though embarrassed enough to bring it to PG-13 cause honestly I didn’t see (or think) that there were young kids directly behind me.

The point of that little story was that informative clothing would be a great way of avoiding such incidences in the future, when possible people would huddle into their selective groups naturally, or if you were vastly outnumbered you would know that perhaps you should take it down a notch and respect the rating of the overwhelming majority.  Parents would find like-minded parents with similar parenting styles.  Everyone would thrive in their perspective environments. It would be great!

And anything that reduces my chance of being sat next to a kid under the age of 4 in a restaurant, I’m allll for, for both our sakes. ;)

Cheers!
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