Turning the Other Cheek...

I’ve noticed in my aging years that I have increased my tolerance for “turning the other cheek”.  I think this is generally a good thing.  In my youth I was far too ready to fight, defend, and generally verbally eviscerate any injustice of myself or others.  Back then I thought it was a honorable trait.  It was important that I not allow any bullying, perceived or otherwise, of myself or friends. That it was my responsibility to make sure that my version, which I invariable believe is The Truth, is heard in the public forum and weighed against other versions being told. 

A couple of things have changed.
1) I don't care
2) Others don't care
 

I suppose a wonderful upside of aging is that your sense of self becomes much more secure, as such there is less care given to what other’s think of you.  What I am speaking of is that healthy detachment from needing to please others and be “liked” at all costs. I am not speaking of that flippant protective mechanism of the “eff them, I do what I want” mentality.   It took a while but it is finally here in varying degrees across all relationships. Of course those that are closest to me I still want to please, perhaps a little too much, and make sure that they are happy.  Me doing something that makes them unhappy gives me serious pause and must be weighed, examined, and detailed before a decision is made and acted upon.  Others, further removed from the center of the onion are considered less…and so and so forth. 

The other side of this is that you realized that, mindshatteringly, you are not the center of everyone’s universe. Friends and family  are quite content going about their lives and having their own dramas and may not notice yours.  Or if they are aware of a blip on the radar of life they may or may not choose to question what’s going on. It doesn’t mean that they care any less, simply that they know you and their version of you is (hopefully) not radically skewed by what is going on.  My leap of faith on this point, or determinism of depth of friendship, is that they will actually come and talk with you if they are hearing things that don’t sound like something you would do or say.

And so with those two little shifts in perception I find, that for the first, when confronted with two divergent “Truths” I am not rushing to put mine out there.  I am calm with my sense of self. I am resolute in my decisions and actions.  The occasional nagging at the back of my head that says, “but s/he is lying that’s not what happened! Defend yourself and let them know!” is acknowledged and then put in the corner for a timeout for its childish behavior.  

What remains to be seen from this exercise in (what I hope is my) emotional growth is if my faith and assumptions are well placed, or if I am simply a fool in the dark while others play on.