Eastern Standard Time: Why I went

So as most of you know I have completed my cross America trek, winding 3000 miles through snow, mountains and Great Plains to transplant myself to the small village of Goshen, New York.  When starting this journey I did not think much of it. Yes to deconstruct one’s life and start anew, as much as one can while still keeping your sense of self, is not something most people do.  But people’s reactions are beginning to convince me that such vagabondery is unheard of in this day and age. People’s reactions have been interesting.  There has been a lot of “wow you’re brave, I could never do that” which I don’t fully understand. I don’t see it as a particularly brave thing to do.  Other reactions which have been more comical are in the vein of “what crimes did you commit?”, “who are you running from”.  Perhaps these people have watched too many Lifetime movies, or are the 12 remaining fans of Ashley Judd films.  But when faced with the same questions so often in these few weeks it has given me lots of time to figure out the “why” behind chucking everything in a car and setting out.  It’s not that I am running from something. It’s that I am searching for something… a place of belonging.  A place of acceptance. And with each passing year it feels like the terrain of that magical land grows a bit more elusive…rapidly reaching the level of requiring magical objects or events to be found.

There have been lovely multi-year stretches where I was happily ensconced in an urban tribe.  If the tribe were being described on the Nature channel I would usually be defined as the quiet alpha female.  I do not lead the party, I am not the loud one, but am usually there behind the scenes, the one that plans, observes, and captures moments for others with a click of the camera. But each time it has come to an end. The details of the how/why are my private thoughts, but each time has taught me a good number of lessons which continue to shape my personality to this very day.  I think right now I am working on the lessons of “you are too hard on yourself”, “your perception is just one version of the truth,” and in the words of one particularly missed friendship, “you think too much”. 

And so with this mindset I took advantage of the one thing being completely unattached has…mobility.  With no family in country, no urban tribe, no friends in crisis, a job that brought no satisfaction other than a cavalier attitude about money, I left.  It’s just that simple.  There are friends that I will (do) miss and a job to find…but there is no more thought to it than that.  And so eastward I went, to a safe harbor of good friends in this tiny little village of 5,000 people.  Where you talk to the neighbors and run into friends on Main Street over your morning cup of Joe…not a single Starbucks or chain restaurant in sight.  I am falling in love with the charm of the east coast…the history of the buildings, gentle rolling hills that are shockingly green, the brusque nature of blue collar mentality that seems to be a mainstay of its people.  It’s a lovely little spot.  Its ways are different enough to remind me multiple times a day that I am, “not in Kanas anymore,” but whether this is the magical land I am looking for is still being determined.  As it should be…I have only been here a mere 10 days.    And friendships are best when tempered with time and context.

Cheers